I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize