My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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