I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
