Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
