This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize