I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Are we still banned from the library?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They took my balls.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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