what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
