I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
