Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
