Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize