So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
