He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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