You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
