It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
