it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
