what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize