you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
