Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
