No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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