I don't usually arrange sex via text message
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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