Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
