one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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