OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
