her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
