I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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