I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
