I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
