I want you more than these girls want KFC
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
