dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
