I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
