i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
