On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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