It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Couch. On fire.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
