Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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