I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
