a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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