'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
