Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
