Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
