she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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