I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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