I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
