just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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