If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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