Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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