i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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