oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
