how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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