We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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