So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
