Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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