I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
