Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
