I think my vagina is haunted
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
