dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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