On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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