"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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