News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
